December 6

I think it's fair to say today didn't exactly live up to yesterday's shenanigans. Up at 3.30am to get some (legal!) taxis at 4.00am to catch a bus which would take us to Lusaka after a 6-7 hour journey. In fairness, it was one of the nicest buses I have ever been on, had five seats across and even had a movie. Having been subjected to the new remake of Karate Kid four times already (on the boats to and from Zanzibar), we joked when we saw the TV that they'll probably show put us through Karate Kid again. Oh how we laughed.
Until, that was, an hour later, when an even louder eruption of laughter greeted the sight of that very movie coming up on the TV screen - to the bafflement of the rest of the bus. We all agreed that the continent Africa either bought the movie on bulk in a clear-out sale or else it was a subliminal ploy to improve relations between Africa and China.
Anyways, we arrived in Lusaka, where the heavens soon opened. This was the first we had seen of real African rain as we entered their short rain season. It wouldn't be the last.

December 5 (The Zambian Job)

The Zambian Police pull over our taxis after a high-octane car chase!

After finding out last night that our truck Matilda had broken down, we set off this morning in a small coach. While not quite as adventurous looking as our regular truck, this adventure would bring us one of our biggest and funniest adventures yet. Having given my old Dundalk jersey to Mel Gibson for a 'cultural exchange' (he gave me a painting of his) he greeted us this morning wearing the famous Lilywhite outside the camp - a bizarre sight!
So off we headed for the Zambian border, where we did our thing at immigration before exchanging currencies with some dodgy hawkers - one tried to scam me by putting 5,000s in with 50,000s. That wasn't the end of skulduggery, however. Our tour leader Geoff called a few taxis over, which were waiting at the other side of the border, to take us to the campsite, about 15km away.
Someone nonchalantly pointed out, just as we were hopping in, that the taxis didn't possess any number plates. About 2 minutes later, when we approached a police checkpoint just down the road from the border, we discovered why. Our own taxi and two others performed swift U-turns in full view of the policeman, before darting off the edge of the road and into a dirt track through the bushes.
"You don't have a license, do you?" Joe asked with a laugh.
"No," he replied with an even bigger laugh. He didn't seem too fazed but bombed on at top speeds through the hut-villages where some kids actually ran in fright at the sight of white people in speeding cars passing their   homes.
So, there we were, in the back of an illegal taxi bombing through bushed and nomadic villages trying to escape the police. The piece of shit car took a few heavy knocks to the chassis, one of which I fully felt underfoot as if it had whacked my bare foot. Me being me, I started to worry a little, imagining us being dumped in the middle of a Zambian outback, and began to worry more when I lost all coverage on my phone. Anyways, after a 20 minute time trial race through no man's land, we finally saw the road again  and emerged back onto tarmac at the most opportune time. Just as the taxi driver was about to breathe a sigh of relief on our re-emergence, he looked left to be greeted by a police car speeding towards us with lights flashing.
All of our taxi drivers pulled over and the policeman emerged from his vehicle. Far from a scene from the African Terminator, however, the copper came out laughing! This is Africa.
Over here, officials are far from official - this policeman was only recognisable from the average citizen thanks to his high-vis vest top. In other words, those furious walking housewives that power through the streets of Blackrock could easily pass as a purveyor of law and order over here. Anyways, the taxi drivers were fined but carried on with their business and dropped us to our site.
Another adventure, but this one came completely out of nowhere and is unlikely to ever be repeated.

December 4

Today, we took a walk through Kande village, beside our campsite, with the self-titled Mel Gibson giving us the tour. All the guys in the village made up names for themselves and one guy who was trying to sell me some paintings had rather modestly given himself the alias "Mr Smooth". We saw the village, the food, the school, the market, all the while being followed by local kids who grabbed your hand at every possible opportunity and walked aimlessly with you hand in hand.
Later on, we were taken for a traditional dinner outside Mel Gibson's house, where we were fed a lovely cucumber soup before a mash, rice and meat main course. After the dinner, the village locals treated us to a drumming, singing and dancing performance. While it was all very cultural and interesting, the dancing show was more than a little disturbing, with kids as young as 3-4 encouraged to "shake their booties" in the style of sex-driven rap videos. Nevertheless, one-by-one, we all got up to dance alongside before they sang a few African songs as well as the Malawi national anthem, before we returned home through the pitch dark to our campsite.

December 3

Halloween outfit sorted for years to come

Grant revelling in his special day

Ben looking rather fetching in the ensemble I created

For those who saw the picture posted on Facebook and wondered what in Christ's name lead me to be dressed up like Gary Glitter's love child, there is a perfectly reasonable explanation. It was bad taste night, where one person dresses another in the most ridiculous outfit possible. As I explained yesterday, I got exactly who I wanted, and dressed Ben in a leopard-skin string top with a matching mini-skirt, but also decided there was already enough danger of us throwing up later tonight so opted to give him some nice pink polka dot pyjama bottoms for under the skirt, with a pink veil putting the icing on the spectacularly homosexual cake.
When we gathered around the pineapple/alcohol punch everybody exchanged outfits and it soon boiled down to myself and Ben, who had coincidentally drawn each other. I put my head in my hands expecting some skimpy ensemble for the night but it turned out I got lucky. He got me a superb glam rock outfit topped with a white leotard for good measure.
After a great night that included me dancing on the bar to Ireland's alternative national anthem, Bewitched's "C'est la vie", before knocking out a few choons on the guitar at the bar, we went for a late night swim in Lake Malawi, with the Milky Way clearly visible above us and constant lightning away in the distance. It was a truly stunning night sky, one of the best I have ever seen.

December 2

Options aplenty for Bad Taste night

Spot that old Man Utd jersey your mother gave to charity against your will - a Malawi clothes market

We made our way to Kande Beach today, although it wasn't the most comfortable of journeys considering I was hit by a stomach bug. Along the way we stopped in Mzuzu to purchase our goods for "Bad taste night", a traditional overlanders night where you pick a name out of a hat and buy that person the most ridiculous and embarrassing atire possible to wear for one night. I kept my pokerface, but I got exactly who I wanted - Ben.
We arrived at the market where they are selling clothes that have been donated from abroad. Any doubts that this "Bad Taste Night" was just a once off were gone as soon as the hawkers, instead of offering jerseys or drugs, were waving tutes, mini-skirts and belly-tops in my face. They knew what we were after.
So I got a lovely leopard-skin mini skirt and shoulder top ensemble, with some pink pyjamas and a pink veil for a touch of variety!
After a drive through some beautiful mountains Malawi countryside, we arrived at Kande Beach. With my stomach still recovering, I opted not to drink but seeing Emma for the first time in almost three weeks (on Skype) seemed to have a big effect and I soon recovered enough to smoke some shisha before heading to my room for a rather delightful sleep!

December 1

Sampling the local Malawi brau - Carlsberg Stout!

Another day, another 500km. And on Matilda, 500km is a long way. We journeyed from the Farm House in Tanzania, through the Malawi border (another stamp, woohoo!) to Chitimba, where we stopped at another nice campsite, this one owned by a quiet and peculiar Dutchman, who, we were told, has a Facebook page dedicated to Safari porn. We joked that we would give the golddust that we had all gathered from our safari adventures, but having met him, I wouldn't be quite so sure that it was all a big joke!
We arrived anyways, ate, had a couple of beers and went to bed, although a bit of a shaky stomach meant I didn't get a great sleep.

November 30

A midget elephant -  smaller than normal due to the poor quality of grazing. The Hum-V was parked out back.

My morning began with a tinge of disappointment. My first thought when I awoke was, "I hope Ben got one of those girls back to his tent." I emerged from my own and looked over. A brief glimpse of hope when I saw some flowing locks emerge, but alas, it was just Joe.
Today was a long day of driving, well over 12 hours but the highlight for me was that for the first time, I fell asleep on the bus! Might have had something to do with the under-three hours sleep.
Anyways we drove through another National Park, where we saw some baboons and elephants, these ones unique in that they are smaller than regular ones due to the poor quality of grazing.
Then we arrived in our Farm House campsite, where we took advantage of the hot showers and then had a lovely meal in their restaurant, before we retired early to bed ahead of another early morning and long days travelling.

November 29

Waiting for Matilda to start at 4.30am. Unfortunately, she never did.

So, there we were, tents packed, bags packed and listening to the Muslim chants ringing through the air at 5am, when all of a sudden a snapper in the works. Matilda wouldn't start. We sat, we waited, we wondered, before being told that we couldn't go anywhere and would have to spend another night in the sticky clammy Dar campsite. It would also put us a day behind on our schedule which would have to be made up elsewhere, and probably somewhere better.
Nevertheless, we tried to fill the hours and at Tam's behest, we organised a taxi to the innovatively - titled "Fan City", which was rather wisely advertised as "Africa's first AND largest Theme Park". It was close and cheap so we said why not. On the way we all guessed what crazy and scary rollercoasters they might have but as it rolled into we view we began to realise that, inevitably, it wouldn't quite live up to our expectations. And, lo and behold, it didn't. Not only was it tiny, full of kids rides and half-assed adrenaline rides, but it was also CLOSED!
So Fun City didn't quite live up to its billing. It has left a legacy and a good story, where now everything fun we do is "good, but it's no Fun City!" Later, we had a few drinks at the bar and were joined by three girls, two from South Africa and one from Malawi who were good fun and had interesting aspects on living in Africa as a Mzungo (white person). I retired for 3 sleep and left and Ben with the girls, hoping that Ben getting some from at least one!

November 28

A typical Zanzibar scene - archictecturally quite different to the rest of East Africa

A Stonetown sidestreet, close to our Hotel

After finishing last night in "Mercury's", named after Zanzibar and Stonetown's most famous son, Freddie Mercury, we were set to leave the island today. We packed our stuff and headed for the ferry.
Stonetown was a strange place - very beautiful with lovely architecture, nice bars and restaurants, while it also appeared to be quite fun and "happening" (relative to African standards), but it was also impossible to escape the hawkers on the streets, desperate to sell you anything from a fake Tanzania jersey to whatever drugs you wanted (which seemed as readily available as a bottle of water).
So, onto the ferry we hopped, passing by Zanzibar's own immigration (apparently they yearn to be independent and act as if they already are) along the way. The ferry trip wasn't all that bumpy but I still didn't feel great, even before the girl beside me started throwing up in her bag!
We eventually arrived back to the boiling hot Dar Es Salaam, moved our already-set up tents (despite the best efforts of a snake) and headed for another sweaty sleep, ready for a 4am start tomorrow and a long couple of days driving.

November 27

This morning I was awoken by the voice of Faye, who was also responsible for putting me to bed the previous evening. I found this out later today, of course, but before then I had to go through the shuddering feeling of lying in bed not knowing how I got there nor knowing what happened in the intervening hours between bedtime and getting off the boat. Like a hungover, whiskey-smelling Jason Bourne with much less impressive pecs, I tried to piece together the events of the night through the others but luckily I had done nothing embarrassing and even more conveniently, the Australian girl Eva was far more drunk and embarrassing than me! Score!
So, hangovers in tow, we made our way to Stonetown but first stopped off at a spice farm, where we saw and smelt cloves, peppers and vanilla amongst many other things, under the guidance of the hilarious Ali T, who came complete with all the Aussie phrases ("bloody good tucker mate!") and a few good jokes and most memorably, a very unique and side-splitting tendency to finish his sentences with a drawn out and girly-sounding drone ("so you see they are lovely spicesssssssssss"). It actually had myself and Tam literally in tears at the start, which I'm not sure he appreciated, and I've no idea how the others stayed straight-faced.
We then arrived in Stonetown, had a stroll around, batting off hawkers all the way, before having a nice group dinner which concluded with Rich and Tam showing off their skills on the melody pop in celebration of Rich's birthday.

November 26

Above: The view of the Indian Ocean from our Zanzibar hotel (Note - Drunken Irish idiot singing national anthem not pictured)

Today is one of the few days of which I have no photographs whatsoever. Similarly, this evening is the first of which I have absolutely no memory past a certain point! Having (obviously) turned down the chance of another day's scuba diving, I prepared myself for this afternoon's booze cruise with a dose of relaxation mixed with a larger dose of blog-updating!
Then came the fun. At about 4pm we boarded a rickety little wooden boat with a top deck and equipped it with a couple of ice boxes full of booze. We started on the (warm) beers and the conversation was flowing, from chats about BBC's declining standards in broadcasting to Gus's scriptwriting plans to Geoff's coming out of the closet as a kid. See, until this point my memory was crystal clear.
But then came the whiskey. And lots of it.
Next thing I was stood on the top deck, hand to chest, singing Amhran na bhFiann, complaining about how the others didn't know the words to their own anthems (although it did make me feel a lot better for making up a few words as Gaeilge during my own rendition) and then we arrived back just after sunset, all absolutely pished.
After that, nada. I had dinner, which was news to me the following morning, before almost falling asleep in it. Oh dear. I certainly won't remember this one, but I'm sure the rest will for a long time.

November 25

Above: The view of the Indian Ocean from our Zanzibar hotel (Note - Drunken Irish idiot singing national anthem not pictured)

With a history of claustrophobia from when I was young (although it has not been put to the test in recent years), scuba diving was always something I decided I would leave to other people. 12m underwater with a little mouthpiece to breathe through? No chance.
But in the spirit of this journey, I decided I would try anything once and psyched myself up to face another big fear of mine. The evening before, we had done a little course in water shallow enough to stand, breathing techniques and dealing with emergency situations, after which I actually felt quite comfortable and excited. We were then given a book to read overnight which must be read by any learning divers. The book wasn't too comforting. It went through the science of diving and going metres and metres under water, warning that if one held their breath at all when under, they were likely to die, while one also had to hold their nose and mouth and blow to 'equalise' every half a metre, to stop their head from bursting! It's quite a lot to take on for someone who is already just shit-scared of being 40 seconds under water with no quick escape - if you inflate your jacket while under and fly up towards the surface, you may well die from 'the bends'.
So our boat drove out for an hour and a half to he reef. The first dive, I was a little nervous at the start and found the breathing a little difficult, but eventually got over it with the help of my teacher and we descended to the surface, seeing some incredible fish, getting a few pics on an underwater camera and even finding someone's recently dropped camera at the bottom! We went to depths of about 10m or so and I was feeling relatively comfortable for the 45 minutes or so we were under.
The second dive, however, was not such plain-sailing. It started off OK but as it went on, I began to feel that I was breathing in more and more water with my air. There are two techniques to rid water from your mask and I tried both various times. When the water failed to clear (sometimes taking more in) I began to panic, calling my instructor and trying to communicate to him the problem. Of course, when you can't talk to each other it's hard to specify what exactly was going on, but he again signalled to breathe slowly and calmly, which helped briefly before I began to take in more water. At this stage I was absolutely overwhelmed by fear (while also noting the irony that my passing from this life may be caused by a condition which shares the same name as my favourite Radiohead album!). The instructor handed me the back-up regulator mask and told me to switch but at this stage I was worried that I would hold my breath during the switch and suffer a collapsed lung, so I signalled that I couldn't do it. I was still breathing OK but the water was still there and putting my mind completely off-track. The instructor asked if I wanted to go up, I said I would be OK for the moment as I didn't want to end the two other lads' session early, but a minute later I signalled that I wanted to go up. I had worked myself into too much of a panic that I knew I couldn't continue comfortably. It was quite an ordeal.
Nevertheless, we were under water for 42 minutes on the second dive and would have been coming up only a couple of minutes later but I was still disappointed by the experience, if a little proud that I had at least given it a shot. I do plan to hopefully give it another shot in Malawi or Asia, but I decided I would skip another go tomorrow in Zanzibar and instead spend the day chilling and not worrying about dying of asphyxiation!

November 24

Today we headed off for Zanzibar for some well-earned rest, hopping on tuk-tuks (little motorised bike thingys with two seats in the back) and going back into Dar Es Salaam on the 5-minute ferry. We did a quick shop and I bought myself a sim card before we hopped on a much nicer ferry (on golden class) on which we spent 2 hours (with the new, dreadful Karate Kid playing on the box) before arriving in Zanzibar.
Straight away I noticed that Zanzibar is a lot different to what we have seen before. There is a very Arabic feel to the buildings (although this became more apparent as we got closer to Dar Es Salaam), but the place in general looks really beautiful.
We took an hour and a half drive to our hotel on the North East of the island and, like the rest of Africa that I have seen so far, the roads are lined by small villages with tiny houses and sometimes some small shack-like shops.
Anyways we arrived at our hotel and could not believe our eyes when the taxi pulled up and we saw a glimpse through the main area to the view from the back - absolute paradise. The water was almost neon blue dotted with small wooden boats and  framed by beautiful trees and pure white sand. It was like something from those postcards you thought were photoshopped! Beautiful.
So, all sweaty and warm, we decided we'd cool down in the sea water - it wasn't happening. The sea was like a warm bath, the warmest natural water I have ever been in, but truly beautiful. We had a few beers overlooking our personal beach before getting a speech on scuba diving the following day. While I always maintained I would never be able to do it, I said "fuck it" and signed up to give it a shot. I was a bit apprehensive but the beer helped me sleep.

Above: Finally, some time to put the feet up!

November 23

This is likely to be the shortest blog entry thus far. Today we left Snake Park outside Arusha and began a trip down Tanzania that lasted nigh  on 15 hours, on our Matilda bus... with about three stops! It was tough going and made even tougher by the fact that the air got warmer and clammier as we approached the Tanzanian capital Dar Es Salaam, while the busy traffic didn't help. We then drove through some manic queueing and parked up on a 5-minute that took us to our campsite, where we set up camp and had a barbeque dinner, a couple of beers and headed to bed. After a tough day in the bus, we couldn't wait for our 4 days of R+R in Zanzibar.

Matilda - our home for 15 hours today. Where else would you rather be?

November 22

This morning we ventured into the Ngorongoro crater to check out some of the wildlife there, unfortunately missing my final chance to see a rhino while seeing little else of note. Some days you get 'em eh.
Safe to say though, that we are glad to see the back of the long and bumpy game drives for at least another while. We made our way back to Arusha afterwards with as many completely random questions as possible for our safari guide, who we nicknamed "the black Bill Connolly" for his endearing, ahem, sense of humour.
We returned to Snake Park and another memorable experience awaited there quite by surprise. Our ever-effervescent tour leader Geoff took us to the village beside Snake Park (which was owned by Mzungas, or white people) and one which they have poured money into developing, especially the local school.
We took a roundabout way to the school through the village (basically a cluster of huts and small houses) and there we were taken around to see young people and old people being taught computer lessons on computers donated to Snake Park from the UK and Europe (grown adults were being taught how to open paint when we walked into the computer class).
Then we went into a class of youths who were learning to make a CV in English. We were told to talk to some of the kids and I sparked up a conversation quickly with a young guy who wanted to be a bar manager in future. "Really," I said, "see Joe over there, he used to be a bar manager in London", "Wow, that's where I want to work also," he said. So I called Joe over to talk to him.

Joe, however, had left another kid to come over so I went over and apologised to him before asking him what he wanted to become.

"A journalist!"
Some things do just happen for a reason I reckon. He couldn't believe it when I told him that's what I had done and he went on to tell me he dreams of writing for a big newspaper in the English language and asked me what should I do. I said concentrate on what you know and maybe the area you are surrounded by, before asking what stories are happening in this village.
"Hunger is a big problem," he replied.
Truly impossible to relate or even to fathom. Nevertheless I told him to start sending stories and job applications wherever he could. He said that it is his dream and that he really wants it so bad. I told him that if he works hard and follows that dream it will come true, but I was not sure how much I believed the words coming from my mouth.
This encounter is something I really hope I never forget.

Above: Inside a classroom in the school close to Snake Park. Whoever gets the worst test results must wear a Bolton Wanderers jersey home.

November 21

This morning we awoke early in order to catch the sunrise but, being a couple of minutes late, missed out on a good view and ended up watching it through some trees. I still haven't witnessed a truly inspiring sunrise but I'm sure I will get plenty of opportunities. We were also up early as we had to depart from the Serengeti and make our way back to the neighbouring Ngorongoro National Park and it's crater, on the rim of which we were camping.
We returned there after some more game-spotting and we were warned not to take take food into our tents as bush pigs can rip apart your tent in an attempt to get to it. We also saw another elephant walk past the campsite but nowhere near as big or spectacular as the previous night.
One rather bizarre experience was the sight of another sex show, this time involving two hyenas. The hyenas are a rare species in that both males and females have penises. As a result, even the animals themselves cannot differentiate between male and female. So, the male must mount his prospective partner three times, the first and second times in a playful manner while also trying to work out if it is a female or not. The third time, he hits home base (or not, depending on the result of his inspection). So the poor guy doesn't know if he's wooing a male or female until well into the foreplay. A bit like Bangkok then.
Anways it was a rather lethargic show of love, the man sat on top for about 8 minutes (4 of which I recorded, although a photo would sufficed, it was so static) before dismounting when we decided we weren't going to wait for this horror show to end and drove towards them.
Once again, however, while we are still seeing some spectacular animals (and rather educational behaviour!), we are starting to tire of seeing the same ones again and again. The highlight of today would have to be receiving a call from Emma, who I'm starting to miss a lot. We shall be out of the wilderness tomorrow though and some time to relax and contact everybody awaits!

Hyenas walk and run further than any other animal in the Serengeti. Maybe that's why they're so useless in bed. Note: Those faint of heart, please avoid the zoom tool (pun absolutely intended).

November 20

Another day, another extraordinary adventure.
This time it was an encounter I will never forget as long as I live. Spending our second night at the Serengeti campsite/animal's human-hunting ground, we finished our dinner and suddenly heard loud noises coming slowly towards us from behind our caged kitchen area (for obvious reasons). As we flashed our torches out, a huge elephant emerged into our view and strolled around 10 metres away. As it lumbered by, we watched, and when told it was safe, left the kitchen area to view it in all its glory, as it tore down branches and munched away in our presence. It walked around the camping area for the next hour or so and we watched all the way. With the help of the all-knowing Rich (now renamed Richipedia), I adjusted my camera to the right settings and got some great silhoutte pics of the monstrous beauty, despite it being pitch dark. We had seen plenty of hyena and gazelles stroll past our site, but nothing compared to this. An incredible moment.
We also game-spotted some more today. Would it be extremely ungrateful to say that by now, I think I've seen enough wild zebras, elephants, giraffe, gazelle, buffalo, wildebeest, cheetahs, hippos etc?
Oh, OK then, bring on some more tomorrow!

Above: The outline of the elephant as it strolls past our camp. A lot easier to see when the pic is better quality but hopefully you can make it out.

November 19

This day, or this evening, is one I will not forget in a hurry. We awoke early and set off, with a backpack for three days to the Serengeti National Park - the one on which the scenery of the Lion King is based and one of the 10 Natural Travel Wonders of the world. With hangovers in tow, we split into two groups of five hopped into our 4x4s, passing the Ngorongoro National Conservation Park along the way. On the wasy to our campsite we spotted some more game and then arrived to the place where we were to stay for the following two nights. This is where it gets interesting.

Out in the midst of 15,000km2 of a wildlife area, our camp area stood fenceless and defenseless from the animals roaming around. We did have an idea of what was in store on arrival but wehn our tour guide gave us a speech on how to react if we encounter a lion, cheetah, leopard, buffalo, elephant or any other dangerous animal on the way to the toilet at night, faces began to pale and drop in equal measures. Soon after, a hyena brushed past but ran when we shone our light at him. Lukcily none of us encountered any animals - mostly because no one dared leave their tent at night and stored a bottle in their tent in case nature was feeling mischievous and decided to call!

Indeed, I threw on some relaxing Iron and Wine on my iPhone to drown out the animal noises nearby and enjoyed my best sleep since I arrived on this continent.

Take that, scary, man-eating animals!

Above: Scary sign at our Serengeti campsite. Unfortunately didn't do much to keep the hyenas, lions, elephants at bay!

November 18

Today was a long day of travelling, from Karen beside Nairobi to Arusha in Tanzania. Luckily, we were back in the more comfortable "Matilda" truck, which also has plugs and a music system. I suppose the most noteworthy thing about to today was that my Newcastle United team got promoted to the Premier League in my Football Manager iPhone edition game!
Later in the camp in Arusha, we had a lovely dinner and then played a drinking game in the cool Snake Park campsite bar. The player had to nominate two numbers on the dartboard and assign two other people to those numbers - if the player hit one of those numbers then the nominated person for that number would do a shot, but if the player failed to hit either one of the numbers then he/she would do a shot. I hit the dartboard itself once on my first go in a pathetic show of inaccuracy. I assured people I did dabble in a bit of darts in my (wasted) youth and am not actually that bad. They nodded forcefully in reply, but I showed them for the rest of the night, ripping the dartboard asunder with my pinpoint precision and even consigning Joe to three shots in one go, hitting the number 1 three times in succession.
Not exactly a 180, but I'll take it!

Above: Shots at Snake Park, everyone's a loser (winner).

November 17

Today was more of a rest day than anything else, a much-deserved one after a busy few days and a much-needed one after the previous night's boozing and sing-sing! We did, however, get to an elephant orphanage which rescues elephants from the wild, including ones that have lost their mothers, ones that are saved from poaching and some that have been attacked - one particular elephant even had a scar from a spear that lodged 10 inches into his head. We then went to a giraffe orphanage where you could feel the slimey tongue of a giraffe while you fed them with your own hand. This was cool for photos and a bit of craic. Today, one of our gang, Jodie from Australia, a single mum who started her own business "Zoo to You" while still raising her kids, returned to Cairns. She runs a mobile zoo that she takes to local schools and parties and educates people on Australia's wildlife, I thought hers was a pretty inspirational story, especially given the uniqueness and subsequent success of the business.
And then 11 was 10. On to the Serengeti!

Above: Giraffe eats food, shows me some love.

November 16

Last night, we had the rare pleasure of having a few beers with Masai Warriors around a camp fire! The warriors stayed at the campsite all night in order to protect us from wild animals, monkeys etc. They could be heard all night (the monkeys that is).
This morning, we went game spotting again and saw some more beautiful creatures, before setting off to our Masai guide's (Jonathan!) village. Out in the midst of nowhere, it was surrounded by stick fencing and contained about 8 or so houses made of cow dung and sticks. Really hard to believe.
They performed a dance for us, which includes bouncing up and down really really high and took us into the village for a look. There was actually a wedding going on between a 19 year old boy and a 17 year old girl and we got to take pictures of it. They didn't exactly look excited by the whole occasion, although you could forgive the girl, who was probably paired with him in exchange for cows and goats, and will soon be competing with a number of other wives!

We were then shown around a Masai house... talk about shit conditions! Absolutely tiny, obviously no electricity or anything even close to modern implements and completely packed full of flies, not surprising considering it is made of cows' past dinners. There were two tiny rooms with beds made of leather and the middle was a small kitchen. We asked the Masai warrior had he ever seen the house of somebody in the Western world, he said he had not and wondered how much different our houses were... enough said! Got some great pictures here just before my camera battery ran out, which was disappointing on the drive home.

When I was in New Zealand, I made the mistake of not taking enough pictures. This time around it is the complete opposite. I am taking pictures of everything and anything but truthfully, no number of photographs could ever justify the beauty of Kenya. Every single metre you drive, every step you walk, is a postcard picture. Every time I leave my camera down I regret not catching another scene. I have about 450 pics already on day four. It is absolutely beautiful, breath-taking and so completely and utterly different to anything we are used to. A mind-opening experience and just a stunning place to see. Can it really be like this all the way down the continent? I certainly hope so.

So we drove to our campsite back near Nairobi in a place called Karen, which is full of huge expensive houses - an indication of the differences in class here considering where we were earlier this morning! Later on we had beers and a singalong on the "bone-guitar" one of the guys has with him - an electric guitar of sorts, with just a neck and a metal detachable rim shaped like a guitar for leaning one's arm, and with an electrical pick-up. After I wasn't able to bring my own acoustic, this was certainly a godsend.

Has it only been four days? So much seen already. 31 to go. Nice.

Above: Don't touch your house, kid, it's dirty! Masai kids outside a Masai house.

November 15

Despite my lack of sleep, adrenaline got the better of me today as we headed for the Masai Mara to do some game-spotting. It was quite a journey, for about 2 hours or more, driving off road on some extremely harsh terrain. I was sitting on the left-side of the "Bulldog" and at one point found myself leaning my hand sidewards against the ceiling of the truck fully expecting to topple over on our side, such was the angle at which we were driving. The whole land is inhabited by Masai tribes in tiny, primitive villages and driving through this area was possibly the closest thing one could get to hopping into a DeLorean and going back in time. Houses were made of stick and cow dung, the tribes people wore colourful robes and lived only to herd cattle and other animals. They're so old school out here that even their GAA jerseys are retro - I spotted one kid wearing a 1990s Kerry jersey amidst all the tribal gear!

Later, we went game spotting and had an incredible day of it, seeing a snow-leopard first - at which point even the tribesman has his village's camera (donated to him by travellers) out to capture it - elephants, hippos, giraffe, gazelles, antelope, zebras, jackals, before we were treated late on to not one, but two, lion sex shows! Rather disappointingly, the lion and 'king of the jungle' only lasts about 15 seconds! Fear not though, he usually treats the lioness to some sweet, fleeting love every 15 minutes or so.
Seeing all the animals in their natural environment was something special. This is what it's all about!

Above: Can you feel the love tonight? Lion King treats her like a lioness, for 15 seconds.

November 14

This morning I woke and went downstairs for breakfast to meet my tour guides, Geoff and Gus, and Gus talked me through everything. It seems all extremely similar to the tour I did in New Zealand. After brekkie, there was the option of Kenyan prostitutes, who were prowling outside the dining room at 8.00am, but myself and Gus decided the toast and cereal was just enough. So we set off towards the Masai Mara on an incredible drive, through the outskirts of Nairobi where shack shops and people dressed in their Sunday best lined the main road. This stuff is just a million miles from where I had been 24 hours before. I must say I'm just fascinated by the small villages and I am trying to photograph the real Africa as much as the landscape stuff, although that is not too easy on the bumpy "Bulldog" truck!

We soon reached the Great Rift Valley, which just blew me away. The location of a split in the earth's crust, at 70km in width, the huge vast area inter-sparsed with small volcanic mountains puts the Grand Canyon in the shade in terms of pure size and certainly matches it as a sight. We were stuck in a pretty big traffic jam there but it was most definitely the best traffic jam I've ever been in!
We soon ended up in Lake Kaivasha campsite, where we met with the other half of the 10-strong group, had a few beers and slept for all of 2 hours as my tent-mate John (now ex-tent-mate!), while a really cool guy, has quite a snore! We also had afternoon tea at the former home of Joy Adamson, who raised Elsa the lion, was made famous by the movie "Born Free".

November 13 11:00pm

Two entries a day will probably be rare but I decided I had to this time. I am lying in my bed at the pleasant Boulevard Hotel in the unpleasant Nairobi, sighing breaths of relief, laughter and feeling a bit stronger for the experience of the last hour. I wasn't actually that fazed ahead of the Nairobi experience until I got talking to the man beside me in the plane, a German with ample experience of the continent having worked all his life for charity organisations, just as we touched down on African soil.

"We used to call it Nairobbery," he smiled reassuringly, "although back then they would just hold you at knife-point, nowadays they just shoot you, take the money and run"... A delightful and timely tale.
So, having stood in a queue for at least 45 minutes waiting to get my visa, I finally got my baggage and, with the German charity dude's words still ringing in my ears, emerged to see a character who has a carbon copy of "Bubbs" from the Wire (and yes, that includes attire!) holding a sheet with my name on it in blue marker. I soon learned the inevitable lesson that nothing is done "officially" in Africa. The guys I was dealing with might as well have been selling me counterfeit Man Utd shirts. Nevertheless, I hopped into Bubbs' small rickety vehicle and to my delight, he decided he wanted to take me on the "scenic route" through late night Nairobi city centre for a nominal tip, despite my reluctance. We saw all the sights; a few gangs on the side of the road, loads of Kenyan prostitutes - who he informed me were "not nice ladies" - and the local militia, complete with large guns. Scenic indeed. Got there in the end and slept like a baby. An exciting start.
Now, Africa, show me magic!

November 13 18:55 (Kenya time)

The adventure has officially begun. The months (nay years) of talking, hoping, the months of preparation and the ungodly sums of money dished out and it finally happening. I said my emotional goodbyes last night and while it was sad leaving everyone, I am content that I am returning to the family at Christmas and also have the lovly lady waiting for me on my return.

As I write this, I am on my seven and a half hour flight to Nairobi from Amsterdam. Without having taken a step off the plan I have already been blown away by Africa. I had a quick peep out the window when going to the toilet about 3-4 hours into the flight and wondered why the sea below looked so brown and dirty. Turned out it was the Sahara desert - I stood at the window for the next hour just staring in awe at the vastness of the plains, just endless. Truly incredible and while it is just sand as far as the eye can see, it was still a sight to behold.
Also, a quick mention to the male stewards breezing by me here, one of whom looks exactly like what John Cleese would look like if he were a super-gay European skier - complete with pencil head and bleached hair and tache, while I am convinced the other is a long-lost brother of former Arsenal keeper Jens Lehmann. Both wearing uniforms, I was extremely worried at the start until I realised they would not be flying the plane. Relief.

Stepping out

Nervous, anxious, even a hint of nausea.

I think they would be the perfect words to describe the emotions that course through the veins of any professional footballer when they see Paul Scholes approaching with his tackle face on.

As for me, I am due to fly out tomorrow morning (Saturday) at 6.00am, meaning I must be at the airport at around 4.00am, meaning it is unlikely I will sleep! I have had so much to do in recent days and weeks that I have hardly even thought about the fact that in a matter of days I will rolling through the deserts and vast landscape of Africa. I fly via Amsterdam to Nairobi and arrive in the Kenyan capital at around 8.30pm. Flying into a new continent at night will be rather overwhelming I think, but the fact that I have a pick-up awaiting when I get there is certainly reassuring. Then on Sunday morning we take off for the Masai Mara National Reserve, a huge game reserve filled with zebras, gazelles, cheetahs and all the rest of that bunch. I think it's fair enough to say that will be a rather nice start. The one possible hindrance on this trip is the time of the year I'm going; it's rainy season in most parts of Africa, meaning I will likely be subjected to huge rain storms every now and then. At the same time that could be a pretty incredible experience and the rain does dry up very quickly. But the big plus is, it is a good time for game viewing and for scenery as the grass is green and the landscape comes to life.

In preparation for my travels, I joined the 'dark side' and purchased an Iphone 4, which on first impressions is bloody sweet, although I'm not sure what good Football Manager 2010 is going to do to my social life on the trip! Anyways, it's loaded full of music and apps so I think that will keep me going during the quiet times.
Oh yeh, I'm also trying to bring my guitar with me, but I still have to get confirmation from the airline that I'm OK to do that. The guitar I think would keep me from boredom during the down times while apparently the tribes love when visitors can play music from their native country (although I'd imagine my tour-mates will soon get sick of Christy Moore's Ride On, leaving my uncultured self with a bit of a dilemma!).

Well, people, I shall try to keep this updated as often as possible (I didn't over the last month or so as my sitting in front of a Lonely Planet book and laptop was hardly worth talking about) and I'm hoping my iPhone app BlogPress should help me do that every couple of days for the most part. I intend to maybe make a video diary and also upload plenty of photos but from what I hear, that will be rather difficult given the internet services in most of the countries over there.

I must also add that this week I also booked the flights for the next step in my adventure, and I fly out to Bangkok from Dublin on January 8 for a 7 week adventure in South East Asia. Exciting times!

Keep in touch everyone and try and get following me (over on the right column) if you can. Talk to yous all soon!

Love and kisses,

Neil.

Step forward, Emma

This pretty little thing is what I'm leaving behind, but luckily our first Christmas together is just around the corner and I return to spend four days with Emma in London before flying into Ireland on the morning of my birthday, December 24. Good times!

15 Step

In keeping with the blog title theme, here's Radiohead and 15 Step, just for the hell of it.

Step into the unknown

My mother said to my father after she got off the phone to me, in the aftermath of my first skydive, that she didn't think I would ever be the same.
Maybe an exaggeration, but certainly this was one of my greatest fears, and something I never, ever believed I would do nor wanted to do.
Overcoming a fear as big as it was, was a huge thing for me and I believe in some way opened my mind to the spectre of travelling to places and experiencing things that I fear. If you observe my face, I truly believed in the first and second photos that those breaths were my last. Skip to photo 3! Oh yeh! :)

First Step

So my name is Neil Ahern.

I am a soon-to-be out of work journalist from Dundalk in Ireland, who spent four and a half (or so) happy years plying my trade for the Irish Independent's sports section as well as the Evening Herald sports section. Alas, I have decided to go on sabbatical for an indefinite period.

While I very much enjoyed my work and am proud of what I have achieved by the age of 24, since I began forging my career (incidentally, almost straight after I finished college) it had always been my intention to go and see the world at some point in my 20s; see things I would have never even imagined and develop a new understanding and a different perspective on life, culture, society etc.
I have always been fascinated particularly by people who have been to far corners of the planet, experienced completely different cultures and societies to our own and have come to develop measured, worldly views on everything. That is something I would love to one day have.

Some force is telling me that now is just the right time for me to go, and most certainly my one-month journey to New Zealand last January played a part in convincing me that time waits for no man; while my youth and my hairline are on my side, I should get moving!
Also, while it played no part in my original decision, the recent tragic death of a friend, Andrew Dunne, at age 25, was the most unfortunate of reminders, but a reminder nonetheless, that life is too fragile to hang around and wait for things to happen.

First stop is Africa. I leave Dublin for Nairobi, Kenya on November 12 to begin a 35-day bus tour, on November 14, down the South East via Tanzania, Malawi, Zambia, Zimbabwe, Botswana, finishing in Jo'burg, South Africa before I return to my humble home for Christmas - an occasion I hope to never miss as long as I'm alive! Also, it will be a first chance in 3 months to spend more than three days with the dearly beloved, Emma.
I will endeavour to update my blog regularly, which will hopefully keep a log of as much of my adventures as is physically possible. Hopefully some of you will keep up-to-date and keep in touch with me through this but it will also serve as a nice little travel log for myself.
Hope you enjoy and please keep in touch people!

Love and kisses,

Neil.